Wasp unable to fly out of open fucking window

A wasp found itself incapable of flying out of an open fucking window earlier today, despite having gained access to the living room when the fucking window was only slightly ajar.

Domino’s to take over Royal Mail deliveries

“Domino’s Pizza has a proven track record for quick, efficient delivery of items across most of the U.K,” said Postal Affairs Minister Norman Lamb.  “They also have delivery staff capable of not stealing or throwing the pizza in a hedge before you get it, which I’m sure postal customers will welcome.”

Sun On Sunday to be ‘mostly pictures’

Watson claims a News Corp source told him that Rupert Murdoch has seen the draft designs of the Sunday Sun and that it is made up of ‘mundane office pictures’ along with ‘some random snaps bought from a stock photograph company’.

Estate agent strike welcomed by everyone

“It’ll have a massive effect on society,” said teacher Karen Latrine. “It means most of us will be able to walk past an estate agent’s office without having that fantasy where we repeatedly slam their scumbag heads in the fridge full of mineral water.”