Has science gone too far?

Scientists convinced defrosting frozen alien is perfectly safe

“It’s been frozen in ice for thousands, if not millions, of years,” said team leader Dr. Garry Campbell. “It’s clearly dead and therefore not a threat to anyone.”

“The worst that could happen is that it smells a bit, but one of the research assistants says he has a can of Febreze handy if that’s the case.”

Scientists Warn Earth 2.0 May Have Duplicate Wolverhampton

“If Earth 2.0 contains water and an atmosphere similar to our own then there’s ample reason to suspect it may also have its own Wolverhampton,” said Dr. Patatas Bravas, deputy science team leader for NASA’s Kepler Space Telescope.

Mouse with ear on back ‘crippled by paranoia’

“We’ve been doing all we can to help,” said Research Assistant Martin Trotts. “We leave the room whenever we talk about it, but it can often see us through the window and I think it’s learnt to lipread. You should see the accusing looks it gives me.”

Still no sign of that invisibility cloak we keep hearing about

“They always illustrate the story with a photo of Harry Potter, then go on about some baffling breakthrough in polymers that can bend light. But can I stand outside my neighbour’s window masturbating in the knowledge that a high-tech cloak will hide my shame? No. I still have to hide in the bushes like an animal.”